Spending "Quality Time" to your partner

How often do you find yourself saying you wish you had more time with your partner? I don't mean time sitting in a car together, going grocery shopping or eating together. What about time talking and sharing ideas, sharing jokes or just being together in an atmosphere that is "couple" friendly? If it's been a while then this love task may be your perfect remedy!

Once you've both agreed that quality time is something you could both benefit from, you'll need to decide on how to go about arranging this special time.

One of our favorite ways to create couple time is through a designated activity night. For example, some couples enjoy a weekly game night or movie night. On a certain day each week they play their favorite board or video games or watch the latest new movies. This could be expanded to a cooking night, puzzle night or any other interest you both share.

Another way to share couple time is to have each person alternately plan something to do. For example, one week your partner might plan to have a picnic in the park. The next week, you might plan to watch the sunset over a shared bottle of wine.

Remember, this time is YOUR time. It needs to be special to you both. For maximum benefit, your time together should be uninterrupted, at least two hours and at a time you both can agree on.

How to Keep Your Relationship Healthy

With all of the advice out there on how to rebuild your relationship, why not look at tips to keep your already healthy relationship in tact? After all, prevention is more important than cure right? Preventing problems from happening would be more practical than solving them. There are plenty of things that you should avoid in order to make your relationship with your wife or girlfriend from unnecessary miscommunication as well as arguments. In fact, these tips can help you in every relationship that you have - read on.

DON'T be right all the time

There's nothing more frustrating in a relationship than a person who insists that they are always right. No one is right all of the time, and it's time that you realized that. It takes a much stronger person to admit that they were wrong than it is for someone to not admit that they may have made a mistake. Don't be the know it all.

DON'T assume anything

When you start to assume something, you start to chip away at the truth. IF you want to know about something, the other person is going to have to tell you what you need to know. Assuming that someone feels a certain way or that they want you to do a certain thing is only going to set you up for possible problems. Assuming is really just guessing.

DON'T put your priorities first

While you both want to have your needs and wants addressed, when you try to focus more on your own needs than your partner's needs, you will be seen as selfish and uncaring. A relationship means that you are putting someone else's needs before your own, and in doing so, allowing your needs to be fulfilled as well. Seek out their needs to see how you can compromise to make both of you happy.

DON'T know the other person better than they know themselves

If you've ever been in a fight or a discussion when another person has claimed to know what you want, doesn't that feel upsetting? You want to avoid doggedly trying to prove that you know more about the other person than they do - because that just isn't the case. Take the time to consider their feelings and thoughts when they tell them to you. To not let them have a say is to make the conversation one sided.

DON'T refuse to apologize

You will have something that you need to apologize for at some point, even if you don't think that it's a big deal. When you allow your partner to hear that you are sorry about something, you allow them to see that you are willing to move past something in order to have a healthier relationship. And even if you don't think that you are wrong, apologizing is a great way to start fixing the situation instead of making it worse.

DON'T interrupt them

When you're trying to make a point, you might feel that your words are more important than theirs, but this is not helpful. If you are interrupting what someone else is saying all the time, two things happen: one, you're not hearing what they are saying, and two, you are showing that your opinions are more important than theirs. Instead, stop yourself and make a mental note to bring up your point when they are finished.

DON'T rub it in

If you do find out that you are right about something, you don't want to constantly rub the fact in long after the discussion is over. Your relationship isn't about someone being right; it's about the two of you being happy. If you're right, you're right, but then you need to move on. Your partner will not appreciate being reminded that they were wrong.


DON'T make promises you can't keep

You aren't going to be perfect, but when someone is counting on you to help maintain a good relationship; you need to be able to hold up your part of the bargain. This means that you need to be able to make promises that you can keep. And when you do make a promise to someone, they need to be able to expect that you will follow through - every time. If you can't make a promise, then let them know that you will try your hardest, but that you can not promise it. This allows them to have realistic expectations of you.

No relationship is perfect, but there are plenty of ways that you can keep it from becoming unhealthy. :)

Give Your Partner a Compliment

You don't have to pay a penny in giving a compliment but you'll surely agree that it is a beautiful thing! :) It has the ability to make our hearts shine from the inside. In addition to letting us know we're on the right track with something, it also communicates that someone noticed. This can be very encouraging, especially when given by our partner.

Now, how should you start giving compliments to your partner? Well, the only key to giving a compliment is by showing appreciation, even on simple things. You should always find ways to take a few minutes to notice what your partner is doing right and let them know. Here's how to do that...


The Daily Task

Look for one thing each day that your partner has done or handled well. Make sure to make a comment on it. For example, "I noticed how well our son works with you doing his homework. Nice job!" or "You really do a great job helping with the outside chores. I really appreciate the extra effort you give."


Your Weekly Tasks

Take note of a few routine cycles your partner does throughout the week. Leave a note where they would usually do the task telling them how well they do it.

Each day make some comment on their appearance or how you feel about them. For example, "You look great today." "That cologne smells wonderful." "You're sexy!"

If you have time, write them a letter or a note inside of a card sharing the things you appreciate and feel lucky for. Mail it or leave it in a spot they will find and can be read privately.

Your just a kiss away...

Looking to pucker up with the one you love? Engaging your sense of smell might be a good idea... New research claims finding a perfect partner could have more to do with their subtle odour than their personality, looks or wealth. Reasearch at Cardiff University, Wales, suggests smell has direct access to the primitive regions of the brain concerned with the mood and memory and can activate memories.


"When you kiss somebody, you bring your nose into contact with those parts of the skin secreting compounds," says research leader Tim Jacob. So when you lock lips with someone special, savor the smell as well as the moment... :)

How to Ask Your Friend Out for a Date (part 3)

There are only two things that might happen when you’re asking your friend for a date... The offer may be rejected or accepted. Now, how should you react in those situations?

What to Do if Your Offer is Rejected

Your offer may be refused. Remember that the date is being rejected and you. Resist the temptation to take it personally. Your friendship will be different afterwards, but so what? Your friendship is being changed and made different every day. It is called growth. Continue to value the qualities in your friend that attracted you to him/her in the first place. However, remember that you do not have any claim on that person other than a great friendship.


What to if Your Offer is Accepted

Plan a great date and, if all goes well, ask for another one! Again, expect that your friendship will change as the element of romance is added. Continue to communicate with one another and strengthen your friendship. That way, if you find in time that the romantic aspect isn't working out after all, a close friendship will remain. And if everything does work out, you may someday find yourself buying those cheesy wedding invitations.

How to Ask Your Friend Out for a Date (part 2)

You’ve decided to ask her him/her out… Now what? How should you do it? Well, the answer is pretty simple…. You just need to Be Clear.

"I'd, uh, kinda maybe like to take you out sometime."

My great friends Ron and Anna were having another one of their late-night conversation marathons when, in a moment of silence, Ron had nervously blurted out those words. Ron didn't realize that Anna had a crush on him for months. He was funny, cute, and easy to be with. The only problem on that situation was that his hesitant statement made Anna both elated and confused. He made Anna wonder what he really means. Does he mean he wants to take her out? Or simply stating that he'd like to – “sometime”? And what was that "maybe" part doing in there? Ron had a good reason to be hesitant. He really liked Anna, but wasn't certain of his feelings for her. He didn't want to lose or change what had been a great friendship. However, the situation only brought greater confusion and uncertainty for them because Ron was not firm and clear in his communication. It is therefore important to say exactly what you mean, and mean what you say when asking your friend out. You even want to rehearse the gist of what you want to say several times in advance. (I'm not saying to memorize a prepared statement. Simply have a mental outline.) You may say something like, "Anna, we've been friends for a while now. I really appreciate our friendship. I find you so sweet, smart, and attractive. I’d like to see our friendship become a dating relationship. Could I take you out for dinner on Saturday night?"

You should also Be Prepared.

Be prepared for your friend's reaction. Anticipate questions. Anticipate him or her asking you for time to consider. You may even want to offer it by saying something like, "I know this is a change/big step/something you may not have ever thought about. Feel free to take a few days to consider it." This will allow your friend to truly consider the effects dating may have on your relationship. It will prevent him/her from making a rash decision or sharing a gut reaction. It is also a courtesy to your friend to whom the thought of dating may have never even occurred.

Asking your friend out does posts some risks… Your relationship might get better or worse. So, how would you react in those situations? How would you react if your offer is accepted or rejected? These issues will be discussed on my next post… ;)

How to Ask Your Friend Out for a Date

It may sound weird, others may feel awkward, and for some the idea of dating your bestfriend may be a bit scary…. However, most of us would agree that good friends make great girlfriends and boyfriends. And most probably, the person you’re dating might be the person you’ll end up marrying. You've even seen the wedding invitations that read "Today I Marry my Best Friend." Dating someone who has been a friend decreases the awkwardness of getting to know one another. You already like and trust your friend and have a shared past, a context in which to create a new relationship. In dating a friend you aren't starting over but adding a new dimension to a relationship that you already value.

That said, trying to start a dating relationship with a friend can be like skating on thin ice. What if she considers you more like a brother than a lover? What if he/she just want you to remain friends? What the person refuses you? Is it all worth it?

The last is a question that only you can answer. If you decide that you are ready to swallow your fears and ask your friend for a date, then just stay tune for some helpful suggestion that might help you to get through with that…. I'll just post the "part two" of this post tomorrow... and I'm sleepy now... :)

What do men want?

Many single women think that what men want out of a relationship is radically different from what they hope for. “He just wants to date around,” “He’s looking to have fun, period,” and “Why does he say one thing and do another?” are the kinds of comments they often make. But the opposite sexes are actually very much alike when it comes to love, if you know how to read between the lines, says Greg Gilderman, author of She’s the One: The Surprising Truth about What Makes a Woman a Keeper. Here, he reveals what men really look for in a woman—and how you can use that info to your advantage!

Q: In your book, you say that “good guys” ultimately want the same thing out of a romantic partner that women do. Before we get into what these qualities are, can you shed some light on who the “good guys” are?

A: “Good guys” are the types of men who aren’t hoping for life to be an extended fraternity party, who don’t want only sex and who don’t need to be tricked into long-term relationships. Despite what you might read in magazine advice columns, the vast majority of men really aren’t this way. The truth is that 90 percent of American men have been married by the age of 40, which, if you subtract prison inmates, is almost the entire straight male population. I don’t believe those guys have been tricked or manipulated. They wanted to be married.

Q: So what are the qualities and behaviors “good guys” looking to be in a long-term relationship are seeking in women?
A: Men ultimately do want long-term, exclusive relationships — some at 20 years old, some at 30, almost all by 40 — and if you ask a married guy why he’s with his wife, unless he’s Ice T, he won’t say just “her butt.” He’ll say it was her intelligence, her humor, her values, her potential as a good mother, and the fact that she just makes him feel relaxed and loved. It is women who display qualities like this that charm men, pure and simple.

Q: What are some of the most common ways that single women turn off men?
A: A prime example: asking too many “Where do you see us in five years?” type of questions early on in a relationship. You see it on those dating shows all the time: a couple is happily rock climbing, the woman suddenly asks something like, “Do you want to have kids some day?” and the guy looks like he’s been hit with a Taser.

Q: Why do men react this way?

A: While it’s odd when you consider that most men, like most women, have marriage and children as a goal for their lives, I think it comes down to biology: Men just have a greater natural impulse to have more partners than women do. It’s possible that men are simply wired to be resistant to the idea of monogamy, at least initially. If you’re looking to really charm him, keep these types of questions out of the conversation until you’re well into a serious relationship.

Q: What else is a “don’t” when it comes to attracting a guy?
A: Aloofness. Sure, it’s good not to inundate a guy with phone calls or emails after the first date or two. And yes, every guy likes a little bit of hard-to-get from a woman. But at some point, it’s best to recognize that guys are as insecure and flawed as you are, and being told or being given signs that we are liked is often what gets a relationship off the ground.

Q: Some women are man-magnets, plain and simple. What do you think is their secret?

A: I can remember as far back as junior high school that there were always one or two girls all the guys liked best. Although they were certainly attractive, they were never the very best-looking, but they had some kind of spark that just drew guys to them. They could laugh with the guys without being one of the guys and they had a way of making guys feel relaxed and good about themselves.

I also think context plays a role in this kind of attraction. Have you noticed that an otherwise unremarkable straight guy in a ballet class will seem far more magnetic than he would at a math convention? By putting himself in a context that benefits him — being the only guy in classroom of women — he improves his chances of getting a date. It’s no different when the tables are turned, and it’s one woman in a sea of men.

Q: So how can women use “context” to their advantage when looking to attract men?

A: Consider all of the social contexts in which you come into contact with men. Are your friends, co-workers and classmates all women? If so, is there a way to get around more guys on a regular basis, especially as one of the only women in the room? If the answer is yes, do it. If not, wrack your brain to come up with ideas (a hint: think sporting events, billiards bars, an auto show, an outdoor basketball court or a steakhouse). I promise you’ll get positive romantic results.

article by chelsea kaplan
photo of josh duhamel

What do women want?

Just like renowned thinker Sigmund Freud, many regular guys ponder the question, “What do women want?”—and find themselves dumbfounded. According to Kathy Freston, author of The One: Discovering the Secrets of Soul Mate Love, understanding the female mind isn’t that difficult. Need some direction? Here are her suggestions on how to understand — and woo — women.

Q: What is the number-one mistake that men make when trying to impress women?

A: When men feel insecure, they sometimes compensate by acting arrogantly or being grandiose. As much as bragging about your car, house or big bank account might initially get a woman’s attention, it will soon thereafter be a major turn-off. Women like confidence and security, but they know that only when those qualities are real, a man doesn’t have to throw them around for show.

Q: What else would you warn men away from doing?

A: Another thing healthy women find unappealing is when a man is too needy, grabbing for too much of her attention and affection. That kind of behavior communicates that there is not much else going on for him in terms of friendships or intimate relations.

Q: But don’t many women want to be “needed” by men?

A: Sure, but there’s a fine line between “needing” a woman and being “needy.” No self-respecting lady wants to be the man’s “everything”! It is too much of a burden—and an impossible one to fulfill. If you want to find a loving, well-rounded, happy female partner, you need to be loving, well-rounded, and happy on your own and in your own unique ways.

Q: How much does a man’s physical appearance count in charming a woman?

A: Women value men who take care of themselves, just as men admire the same in women. If he eats well, exercises, and takes a little time to think about what he is wearing, it shows he has self-respect and honors the body that was given to him. The subtext of this behavior is: “I like myself enough to present myself well and make sure I have the energy to live life to the fullest.”

Q: OK, what would you say is the one way a man can charm a woman? What’s his best bet on that front?

A: First and foremost, nearly any woman loves an attentive man who values her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. You’ve probably heard it numerous times, but it’s the truth: Women want to feel heard and considered seriously. It’s not that a woman is just looking for someone to agree with her. She wants to know that how she approaches life has an impact on him; she wants to know that her ideas have been taken in and digested… hence she matters and makes a difference.

Q: May I play devil’s advocate and ask why then are so many women seemingly charmed by jerks?

A: Often, it’s a function of one’s personal psychology. Much of that kind of attraction has to do with being drawn to what hasn’t yet been worked out from childhood wounds or painful experiences. People are often attracted to the very thing that will bring up their old stuff; it’s the wisdom of the unconscious pushing us to confront the things that need to be addressed and healed. In this case, the old “it’s not you, it’s me” actually does come into play quite a bit.

Q: Interesting! Last question: There are some men that women are just instantly drawn to. What’s their secret?

A: There is nothing more magnetic to love than love itself. When a man loves his life, his friends, his job, he is incredibly magnetic. Additionally, when he is as nice to the janitor as he is to the CEO of his company, he shows heart, and most women are always drawn to kind men; I believe it’s human nature. Ultimately, a man who is genuinely — and that’s the key: genuinely — attentive, considerate, kind and chivalrous will always be able to captivate a woman.

Article courtesy of Chelsea Kaplan
Photo of Lee Young Ae

Signs that Your Date is Lying

It's 8:30 p.m., and your date is seriously late for your dinner date. When he finally arrives, he offers you a convoluted explanation of his whereabouts, during which he refuses to look you in the eyes and keeps rubbing his nose. Suspicious that he's not being completely honest? You should be, says Greg Hartley, author of How to Spot a Liar: Why People Don't Tell the Truth... and How You Can Catch Them. For hints on how you can discern the truth, consider the following signs as explained by Hartley, a decorated military interrogator who observes these signals to assess the honesty of enemy combatants. Remember, all is fair in the game of war and love.

1. Your date compliments you at an inappropriate time
Hartley says that a man often compliments a woman when he's trying to pull a fast one on her. "If in the middle of his explanation of his whereabouts, he comments on your dress or asks if you just got a haircut, be suspicious", he says. "Guys who do so are trying to distract you and divert your attention away from their half-truths or other deceptions. Don't fall for it."


2. The pace of your date's answers varies
Though your date may be offering flawless answers to your questions, what may actually give him away is the rate at which he delivers those answers. "Pay attention to inordinate time differences in his answering style," Hartley suggests. If he rushes to answer when he usually pauses or pauses when he normally rushes, that's a hint that something is up."

3. This person raises his or her eyebrows
You suspect something's up, and you've called her on it. She offers an explanation, ending with that, "You do believe me, don't you?" look, with eyebrows raised. Hartley says this key body language piece indicates that your date is not being fully honest. He asks, "You know that phrase 'lying eyes'? A lot of times, it's more in the lying eyebrows, especially with women, so pay attention to them when she's speaking to you."

4. Your date plays with her hair
When a woman is being deceptive, her behavior will actually be quite similar to when she's seducing you, explains Hartley. "When you think about it, the two actions are somewhat linked, even though they have different motivations behind them," he says. Therefore, if you're trying to assess your female date's honesty, look for a sure sign of seduction: playing with her hair, a historic symbol of sexuality and attraction.

5. Your date wrings his hands
"If a guy is wringing his hands when he's speaking to you, he may be lying," Hartley notes. Why is this an indicator of dishonesty? Hand-wringing not only signals stress, an indicator of deception, but his putting his hands in between his body and yours creates a barrier, and a guy creating this kind of barrier is usually hiding something, explains Hartley.

and 3 signs that your date is being completely truthful...

1. He sticks to just the facts, ma'am
Perhaps one of the most common indicators of a lie is a too-detailed explanation. "This is one of the easiest ones to spot, but strangely, one deception that women often fall for," Hartley notes. Don't be fooled by his incredible attention to detail or his ability to recount every step he's taken, he cautions. "A guy who offers you a detailed explanation is almost always lying; in general, guys just don't recall details - that's more women's territory," he says. "If his story or alibi about where he was or why he was late is too good, there's probably a reason why: He crafted it himself." If he gives you a simple, short, reasonable explanation, chances are he's telling you the truth and sees no need to embellish it, Hartley says.

2. Your date is calm, cool and collected
First, let's assume your date hasn't been exercising or rushing to meet you, nor is he or she one of those people who just naturally perspire a lot. OK, now that we've gotten that out of the way, if your date breaks into a sweat while speaking to you, it could be a sign of stress - the stress of lying. "While dates - especially first dates - are generally stressful situations, if you've been together a while, there should be no reason your date should feel much stress and be sweating," says Hartley, "unless, of course, there's something that is giving him or her reason to be stressed and sweating." Like the fact that this person just told you a whopper.

3. She keeps her head up straight
If your date is fibbing, she may look you in the eye, but she'll almost always cock or tilt her head to one side, Hartley says. "This flirty behavior is both a sign of seduction and lying," he notes. "With this body language, she's probably trying to reel you in sexually so as to distract you from her lies," he says. A woman who's telling the truth, however, will look at you head-on, he says, with her neck and head as straight as an arrow.

Now that you know these clues, look for them to make sure you're hanging out with the kind of honest person who is worthy of you and your time!

Who needs a date?

Do you want to have date? If you're single and available and haven't gone out with anyone who isn't a friend or relative in over 3 months, you need a date. If your last relationship failed, probably because of different reasons(ouch), you need a date.

You might also need a date if your idea of a romantic evening is picking fleas of your dog. You need a date if you call every single one of your friends and their all gone, out on their own dates. You need a date if you think over the idea of calling one of those party hot lines. You need a date if you spend all day long, dreaming about your crush.

And lastly, if, on a Saturday night you wear your most expensive and most formal gown or suit, light some scented candles and spend the entire night chatting on the Internet, it isn't just a date you need , pal. You need therapy too!

But a date isn't just for freaks and desperate people. It's for anyone who has the freedom to do it, and anyone who enjoys meeting new people. However, you might be wondering, where do I start? Or, to be more specific, how should you ask for a date. To find out the tips and strategies that may help you in asking for date, then just read my next blog...