How to Ask Your Friend Out for a Date (part 2)

You’ve decided to ask her him/her out… Now what? How should you do it? Well, the answer is pretty simple…. You just need to Be Clear.

"I'd, uh, kinda maybe like to take you out sometime."

My great friends Ron and Anna were having another one of their late-night conversation marathons when, in a moment of silence, Ron had nervously blurted out those words. Ron didn't realize that Anna had a crush on him for months. He was funny, cute, and easy to be with. The only problem on that situation was that his hesitant statement made Anna both elated and confused. He made Anna wonder what he really means. Does he mean he wants to take her out? Or simply stating that he'd like to – “sometime”? And what was that "maybe" part doing in there? Ron had a good reason to be hesitant. He really liked Anna, but wasn't certain of his feelings for her. He didn't want to lose or change what had been a great friendship. However, the situation only brought greater confusion and uncertainty for them because Ron was not firm and clear in his communication. It is therefore important to say exactly what you mean, and mean what you say when asking your friend out. You even want to rehearse the gist of what you want to say several times in advance. (I'm not saying to memorize a prepared statement. Simply have a mental outline.) You may say something like, "Anna, we've been friends for a while now. I really appreciate our friendship. I find you so sweet, smart, and attractive. I’d like to see our friendship become a dating relationship. Could I take you out for dinner on Saturday night?"

You should also Be Prepared.

Be prepared for your friend's reaction. Anticipate questions. Anticipate him or her asking you for time to consider. You may even want to offer it by saying something like, "I know this is a change/big step/something you may not have ever thought about. Feel free to take a few days to consider it." This will allow your friend to truly consider the effects dating may have on your relationship. It will prevent him/her from making a rash decision or sharing a gut reaction. It is also a courtesy to your friend to whom the thought of dating may have never even occurred.

Asking your friend out does posts some risks… Your relationship might get better or worse. So, how would you react in those situations? How would you react if your offer is accepted or rejected? These issues will be discussed on my next post… ;)