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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Things You Should Ask to Your Online Date Before You Meet

When using online dating it is more difficult to get initial impressions of people because there's no face to face contact at first. The mannerisms and body language that tell so much about a person can't be seen. Hence, it is extremely important to know which questions to ask so that the person can get a better sense of who the other person is on the other side of the virtual screen. Here are some of the questions that one should ask to his or her online date in order to assess the personality and the attitude of the other person.

These questions are specifically inclined to provide the necessary information regarding an individual's personal conviction on certain matters and his or her own preferences on things.
Those who are involved in online dating just have to keep in mind that when asking these questions, they should make it appear very natural so that they will not sound like they are being confrontational. In addition, those who will ask these questions should be sure that they are also prepared to answer the same.

1. What are you looking for in a guy/girl?
With this question, an individual can get hold of the qualities that the other person is looking for in a companion.

2. What do you think is the major error that people make when online dating for the first time?
This question will illustrate some idea about how the other person views the opposite sex. In this way, one could get an insight on the attitude of the other person and his or her personal beliefs on some important matters like dating and relationships.

3. What is your view on online dating services?
Through this question, a person will be able to know if the other person had some serious negative experience concerning online dating or the other way around. In addition, through the answers of the other person, one could guess if he or she is still willing to consider online dating or not.

4. What is a really successful relationship?
One could get a good view on how the other person values relationship. It would be better to hear the other person provide an answer regarding how the two persons who are involved in the relationship should work together as they grow and have a better sense of personality.

5. Did you fail on your last relationship?
Most people would certainly blame the other person in the relationship. Others blame their selves too much. It would be better to hear some answers like they (the couple) equally share the blame and that it is just time to part ways. The point in asking these questions is to establish a solid foundation on the kind of personality and attitude the other person has. It is when keeping the communication line open that matters most.

The problem with a lot of people involved in online dating is that most of them do not have any idea how to carry the conversation and how to keep the lines burning. They do not know what questions to ask and how to assess the answers that they get. Boiled down, asking some reliable questions will give the person an edge over a lot of things. Hence, he or she will be able to assert that when the time comes that they have to meet personally, the concerned person will be ready to face his or her online date.



Sunday, August 24, 2008

Topics of Conversation on Your First Date

You are on your date, sitting in front of your date, you ordered something to drink, and now what? The rule of thumb to maintaining conversation is to do one of two things: End every statement with a question, or give room for your date to pick up from where you left off. Equally important: Learn to pick up a cue. If your date says, "Hmm, I love this coffee." Don't be an idiot and just say, "Yeah." Say something like, "Yeah, have you tried their Brazillian blend though?" Or "I loved the way the director shot that film." Don't say, "Me too," instead, "Have you seen his other films?" As you can see, it is quite simple to keep a conversation going, but, what if you don't even know what to talk about. Here are a few safe topics of conversations you can open up with:

The Weather
"The sun's been vicious for the last 5 days. Do you think there's going to be a drought or an earthquake?"

Movies
"Have you watched the new Angelina Jolie / Shia LaBeouf / Liv Tyler movie?"

Books
"Who's your favorite author? When was the last time she published a book?"

Travel
"Did you travel? Where and when?" or "I've got vacation leave coming up in a couple of months. Any suggestions where I can go?"

Work
"So what exactly does your work entail? Do you have to work on weekends?" or "What do you do for a living?"

Sports
"Nice tan you have. Do you play sports?" or "You look well-toned. What kind of work-out do you do?"

Hobbies
"So when you're not working or hanging out with your friends, what do you like doing? Got any hobbies?"

The most important thing about asking these first date questions is that they allow your date to talk about him or her self and teach you more about the person sitting in front of you. You should however stay away from topics such as: Politics, Religion, Racism, Sexual orientations and preferences, Mutual acquaintances, if either of you are no longer on good terms with those persons. You could still agree with some of the topics listed and have a great time talking. Just beware that a clash of opinions could result, voices may rise, and someone's drink might end up on someone's face. Save the debates for when you're one of the four things: 1.) Great friends 2.) Boyfriend/Girlfriend 3.) Married 4.) On opposite teams of a debate. It would be safer if you just talk about those topics on some other time.

You now know the topics to discuss and how to maintain the conversation. What else do we need to include? Well, just don't forget to give your date a compliment. Every person likes to be flattered, especially on first dates when the self-confidence is very low and you are both feeling very nervous. Complimenting your date may break the ice, make the other person feel more confident and comfortable and also add some bonus points to your date’s opinion about you. Make sure that your compliments are personal, honest and convincing, and not a cheesy sentence you cite from an Italian movie, which will only make you loose your credibility and your charm.


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Guy Guide - An Easy Way to Get a Phone Number

You met a girl and you're interested in her but the next big question is "How to get her phone number?" I know that a lot of you guys have a hard time out there when it comes to women, but it doesn't have to be. Guys just like you are doing fine out there. They are overweight, they are short, they have plain looks...but they still have some pretty cute girlfriends. They did it, and so can you!

Here's a simple and easy way to do that "I'd like to take you out sometime, can I have your phone number?" Or, you could ask for her e-mail address, Facebook, MySpace as well. This way, you imply that you’re hip 'because you’re connected to the net. Now here's a cool way to get a woman's number, while making her laugh at the same time. On a piece of paper write out the numbers 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0. Then say, "I already have your number but I'm not really sure if I have them in the right order. If you could just help me arrange them." Then give her a big, devilish smile.

Guys, it is not hard approaching women, it is not hard talking to women, and it is not hard asking for a date. You just need to have confidence in yourself, a game plan, and the right things to say. Remember, other guys are doing it, and so can you!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Tips on Elementary Courtship



If you're still not sure about the right manners in dating, then let Rowan Atkinson (aka Mr. Bean) guide you through the Do's and Don'ts in dating... He may look stupid on most of the time but I still find this video useful and very funny! He’s a real comedy genius! The funniest part in this video for me is when they were eating at the restaurant and his professional way of tasting a wine… I hope you enjoy this too! :)


Thursday, August 7, 2008

A Helpful Guide For Matchmakers

Your friend wants a date and you want to offer a help. If you're thinking of playing matchmaker, it's important to remember and abide by the following rules and pointers:

1. Never set-up a friend with a sex maniac, alcoholic, satan worshiper, drug user, or kleptomaniac. If your normal to somewhat-normal friend sees you again after surviving his/her terrifying date with one, rest assured he or she's got your number and you'll never hear the end of it.

2. Be sure they have something to talk about. Give each person a little bit of information about the other just to get things going in the right direction.

3. Warn your friends beforehand of anything you might feel will irritate or annoy them. If your girlfriend detests smokers and the person you're setting her up with smokes, be sure to tell her. Make sure to mention you think that in spite of whatever it is, they will still get along.

4. Offer to be there to break the ice, if that will make him or her more comfortable. Then leave later on if it seems they're hitting it off. Don't throw two people to the wolves and leave it at that. Be gracious and thoughtful and anticipate their needs, if only for the beginning of their date.

These are some simple tips that might help if your planning to be a matchmaker, and these are very easy to follow. The same principle applies in dating. All you need to do is use a little common sense, and I've seen a video about that which I'm going to be sharing with you. Rowan Atkinson (aka Mr. Bean) does the acting well! :) You'll see it on my next post...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What do men want?

Many single women think that what men want out of a relationship is radically different from what they hope for. “He just wants to date around,” “He’s looking to have fun, period,” and “Why does he say one thing and do another?” are the kinds of comments they often make. But the opposite sexes are actually very much alike when it comes to love, if you know how to read between the lines, says Greg Gilderman, author of She’s the One: The Surprising Truth about What Makes a Woman a Keeper. Here, he reveals what men really look for in a woman—and how you can use that info to your advantage!

Q: In your book, you say that “good guys” ultimately want the same thing out of a romantic partner that women do. Before we get into what these qualities are, can you shed some light on who the “good guys” are?

A: “Good guys” are the types of men who aren’t hoping for life to be an extended fraternity party, who don’t want only sex and who don’t need to be tricked into long-term relationships. Despite what you might read in magazine advice columns, the vast majority of men really aren’t this way. The truth is that 90 percent of American men have been married by the age of 40, which, if you subtract prison inmates, is almost the entire straight male population. I don’t believe those guys have been tricked or manipulated. They wanted to be married.

Q: So what are the qualities and behaviors “good guys” looking to be in a long-term relationship are seeking in women?
A: Men ultimately do want long-term, exclusive relationships — some at 20 years old, some at 30, almost all by 40 — and if you ask a married guy why he’s with his wife, unless he’s Ice T, he won’t say just “her butt.” He’ll say it was her intelligence, her humor, her values, her potential as a good mother, and the fact that she just makes him feel relaxed and loved. It is women who display qualities like this that charm men, pure and simple.

Q: What are some of the most common ways that single women turn off men?
A: A prime example: asking too many “Where do you see us in five years?” type of questions early on in a relationship. You see it on those dating shows all the time: a couple is happily rock climbing, the woman suddenly asks something like, “Do you want to have kids some day?” and the guy looks like he’s been hit with a Taser.

Q: Why do men react this way?

A: While it’s odd when you consider that most men, like most women, have marriage and children as a goal for their lives, I think it comes down to biology: Men just have a greater natural impulse to have more partners than women do. It’s possible that men are simply wired to be resistant to the idea of monogamy, at least initially. If you’re looking to really charm him, keep these types of questions out of the conversation until you’re well into a serious relationship.

Q: What else is a “don’t” when it comes to attracting a guy?
A: Aloofness. Sure, it’s good not to inundate a guy with phone calls or emails after the first date or two. And yes, every guy likes a little bit of hard-to-get from a woman. But at some point, it’s best to recognize that guys are as insecure and flawed as you are, and being told or being given signs that we are liked is often what gets a relationship off the ground.

Q: Some women are man-magnets, plain and simple. What do you think is their secret?

A: I can remember as far back as junior high school that there were always one or two girls all the guys liked best. Although they were certainly attractive, they were never the very best-looking, but they had some kind of spark that just drew guys to them. They could laugh with the guys without being one of the guys and they had a way of making guys feel relaxed and good about themselves.

I also think context plays a role in this kind of attraction. Have you noticed that an otherwise unremarkable straight guy in a ballet class will seem far more magnetic than he would at a math convention? By putting himself in a context that benefits him — being the only guy in classroom of women — he improves his chances of getting a date. It’s no different when the tables are turned, and it’s one woman in a sea of men.

Q: So how can women use “context” to their advantage when looking to attract men?

A: Consider all of the social contexts in which you come into contact with men. Are your friends, co-workers and classmates all women? If so, is there a way to get around more guys on a regular basis, especially as one of the only women in the room? If the answer is yes, do it. If not, wrack your brain to come up with ideas (a hint: think sporting events, billiards bars, an auto show, an outdoor basketball court or a steakhouse). I promise you’ll get positive romantic results.

article by chelsea kaplan
photo of josh duhamel

What do women want?

Just like renowned thinker Sigmund Freud, many regular guys ponder the question, “What do women want?”—and find themselves dumbfounded. According to Kathy Freston, author of The One: Discovering the Secrets of Soul Mate Love, understanding the female mind isn’t that difficult. Need some direction? Here are her suggestions on how to understand — and woo — women.

Q: What is the number-one mistake that men make when trying to impress women?

A: When men feel insecure, they sometimes compensate by acting arrogantly or being grandiose. As much as bragging about your car, house or big bank account might initially get a woman’s attention, it will soon thereafter be a major turn-off. Women like confidence and security, but they know that only when those qualities are real, a man doesn’t have to throw them around for show.


Q: What else would you warn men away from doing?

A: Another thing healthy women find unappealing is when a man is too needy, grabbing for too much of her attention and affection. That kind of behavior communicates that there is not much else going on for him in terms of friendships or intimate relations.

Q: But don’t many women want to be “needed” by men?

A: Sure, but there’s a fine line between “needing” a woman and being “needy.” No self-respecting lady wants to be the man’s “everything”! It is too much of a burden—and an impossible one to fulfill. If you want to find a loving, well-rounded, happy female partner, you need to be loving, well-rounded, and happy on your own and in your own unique ways.

Q: How much does a man’s physical appearance count in charming a woman?

A: Women value men who take care of themselves, just as men admire the same in women. If he eats well, exercises, and takes a little time to think about what he is wearing, it shows he has self-respect and honors the body that was given to him. The subtext of this behavior is: “I like myself enough to present myself well and make sure I have the energy to live life to the fullest.”

Q: OK, what would you say is the one way a man can charm a woman? What’s his best bet on that front?

A: First and foremost, nearly any woman loves an attentive man who values her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. You’ve probably heard it numerous times, but it’s the truth: Women want to feel heard and considered seriously. It’s not that a woman is just looking for someone to agree with her. She wants to know that how she approaches life has an impact on him; she wants to know that her ideas have been taken in and digested… hence she matters and makes a difference.

Q: May I play devil’s advocate and ask why then are so many women seemingly charmed by jerks?

A: Often, it’s a function of one’s personal psychology. Much of that kind of attraction has to do with being drawn to what hasn’t yet been worked out from childhood wounds or painful experiences. People are often attracted to the very thing that will bring up their old stuff; it’s the wisdom of the unconscious pushing us to confront the things that need to be addressed and healed. In this case, the old “it’s not you, it’s me” actually does come into play quite a bit.

Q: Interesting! Last question: There are some men that women are just instantly drawn to. What’s their secret?

A: There is nothing more magnetic to love than love itself. When a man loves his life, his friends, his job, he is incredibly magnetic. Additionally, when he is as nice to the janitor as he is to the CEO of his company, he shows heart, and most women are always drawn to kind men; I believe it’s human nature. Ultimately, a man who is genuinely — and that’s the key: genuinely — attentive, considerate, kind and chivalrous will always be able to captivate a woman.

Article courtesy of Chelsea Kaplan
Photo of Lee Young Ae

Monday, August 4, 2008

Signs that Your Date is Lying


It's 8:30 p.m., and your date is seriously late for your dinner date. When he finally arrives, he offers you a convoluted explanation of his whereabouts, during which he refuses to look you in the eyes and keeps rubbing his nose. Suspicious that he's not being completely honest? You should be, says Greg Hartley, author of How to Spot a Liar: Why People Don't Tell the Truth... and How You Can Catch Them. For hints on how you can discern the truth, consider the following signs as explained by Hartley, a decorated military interrogator who observes these signals to assess the honesty of enemy combatants. Remember, all is fair in the game of war and love.

1. Your date compliments you at an inappropriate time
Hartley says that a man often compliments a woman when he's trying to pull a fast one on her. "If in the middle of his explanation of his whereabouts, he comments on your dress or asks if you just got a haircut, be suspicious", he says. "Guys who do so are trying to distract you and divert your attention away from their half-truths or other deceptions. Don't fall for it."


2. The pace of your date's answers varies
Though your date may be offering flawless answers to your questions, what may actually give him away is the rate at which he delivers those answers. "Pay attention to inordinate time differences in his answering style," Hartley suggests. If he rushes to answer when he usually pauses or pauses when he normally rushes, that's a hint that something is up."

3. This person raises his or her eyebrows
You suspect something's up, and you've called her on it. She offers an explanation, ending with that, "You do believe me, don't you?" look, with eyebrows raised. Hartley says this key body language piece indicates that your date is not being fully honest. He asks, "You know that phrase 'lying eyes'? A lot of times, it's more in the lying eyebrows, especially with women, so pay attention to them when she's speaking to you."

4. Your date plays with her hair
When a woman is being deceptive, her behavior will actually be quite similar to when she's seducing you, explains Hartley. "When you think about it, the two actions are somewhat linked, even though they have different motivations behind them," he says. Therefore, if you're trying to assess your female date's honesty, look for a sure sign of seduction: playing with her hair, a historic symbol of sexuality and attraction.

5. Your date wrings his hands
"If a guy is wringing his hands when he's speaking to you, he may be lying," Hartley notes. Why is this an indicator of dishonesty? Hand-wringing not only signals stress, an indicator of deception, but his putting his hands in between his body and yours creates a barrier, and a guy creating this kind of barrier is usually hiding something, explains Hartley.

and 3 signs that your date is being completely truthful...

1. He sticks to just the facts, ma'am
Perhaps one of the most common indicators of a lie is a too-detailed explanation. "This is one of the easiest ones to spot, but strangely, one deception that women often fall for," Hartley notes. Don't be fooled by his incredible attention to detail or his ability to recount every step he's taken, he cautions. "A guy who offers you a detailed explanation is almost always lying; in general, guys just don't recall details - that's more women's territory," he says. "If his story or alibi about where he was or why he was late is too good, there's probably a reason why: He crafted it himself." If he gives you a simple, short, reasonable explanation, chances are he's telling you the truth and sees no need to embellish it, Hartley says.

2. Your date is calm, cool and collected
First, let's assume your date hasn't been exercising or rushing to meet you, nor is he or she one of those people who just naturally perspire a lot. OK, now that we've gotten that out of the way, if your date breaks into a sweat while speaking to you, it could be a sign of stress - the stress of lying. "While dates - especially first dates - are generally stressful situations, if you've been together a while, there should be no reason your date should feel much stress and be sweating," says Hartley, "unless, of course, there's something that is giving him or her reason to be stressed and sweating." Like the fact that this person just told you a whopper.

3. She keeps her head up straight
If your date is fibbing, she may look you in the eye, but she'll almost always cock or tilt her head to one side, Hartley says. "This flirty behavior is both a sign of seduction and lying," he notes. "With this body language, she's probably trying to reel you in sexually so as to distract you from her lies," he says. A woman who's telling the truth, however, will look at you head-on, he says, with her neck and head as straight as an arrow.

Now that you know these clues, look for them to make sure you're hanging out with the kind of honest person who is worthy of you and your time!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Problem With Online Dating

One of the main problems with online dating is the extensive selection that is available. With so many singles we find ourselves getting caught up and involved with so many of them. We would save a lot of time and emotions by being more selective. That way we are available for the Singles that fit our "must have" list.

Online dating is not like your local bar and grille where you may have a selection of 7-10 eligible singles on a good night! Online your choices are endless! If you don't find who you want on one site? You just move onto the next singles site. Start with your list of must haves and begin shopping! Take your time...the Singles aren't going anywhere!

Another problem with online dating, you can never be sure the photo of the person is really the person you are corresponding with! But I think that is a small risk for the quantity of singles you will have access to. But look at it from the point of view. The singles you meet in public could be giving you the wrong name, the wrong age; their current relationship status could be a lie. So, if someone is going to lie, they are a liar. Whether online or off...a liar is a liar! That is the reason I ask so many questions. If that offends some of the singles? Too Bad! I have a right to know what I am dealing with from the very beginning. If the single you are giving the "Third degree" to has been online dating for any length of time, they will understand your skepticism. If not...oh well...Next please!!?

Friday, August 1, 2008

Preparing for the Date

She said yes, or he said yes. You've got the place, time and day set. But there are some things to remember to do.

If your date has a curfew (imposed by parents or because the next day is a work day, or an early engagement), ask what time is appropriate to end the date.

If you're taking a car, make sure you've got enough gas. Take traffic into consideration when deciding what time to leave. If you don't want to get bored because you might be too early, bring a book or magazine along. Trust me, it's better to be early than to be late.

Make sure that you've got enough money, or that the place you're going to accepts your credit card. If you've got a cellphone, make sure it's working and the battery is charged. Should an emergency come up, it will come in handy for you and score you a lot of points if your date needs to use it.

Going out on a weekend is the common practice because of availability on both your sides. For this reason, most people do it and a lot of the popular places are packed. It's a good idea then to call the restaurant in advance to make a reservation. Don't be shy about it, they get calls like yours every day. This doesn't apply to just restaurants either. Wherever you choose to go, make sure you don't need to wait excessively before you can get on with your date.

Ask what time the billiard hall gets packed and what time is the best time to go to ensure a table, what time the video arcade closes, if all the rooms in the karaoke complex are booked, or if you can purchase tickets to the play at the entrance. You aren't just doing this to save time and gas, you're doing this because when things go wrong, the atmosphere gets tense, and neither you nor your date wants this to happen.

by jay

The Reasons Why Online Dating Works

We probably all know why online dating doesn’t work, but I want to let you know the reasons online dating does work.

The main reason online dating works is because of the vast number of eligible Singles that are online. If you can’t find what you want on one site, you simply move on to the next site.

If you are out “clubbing” you will have a very limited number of Singles to choose from. While online, there are literally millions of singles!

Another reason online dating works is we are able to totally “drop out” of the picture if we are being pursued by someone we have no interest in.

Unfortunately, if we are being pursued offline, using a club as an example, we can be followed from the bar to the dance floor to a table even all of the way to the parking lot!

But online, we can simply choose to stop responding! If the pursuit turns into harassment and stalking, we can have the site administrator totally block them!

Another reason online dating works is that we can “qualify” a person before deciding whether or not we want to get to know them better. While offline we can ask a lot of questions and if we don’t like the answers we are rarely rude enough to look someone in the face and say; “thanks for your interest, but I am not interested in you. Bye...”

I find that online dating has a lot of “safety features” that work in the favor of the Singles! You just have to know what these “safety features” are and how to use them!

An article from: http://www.articlecity.com/articles/relationships/article_1646.shtml
by: Vivian Johnson

How to Develop Your Confidence in Dating?

To date successfully as both a man or woman you need to increase your confidence levels. Some things you can change quickly, others you will need to practice. Nothing will be achieved without trying that's for certain. If you never leave the house because you don't feel that great about yourself then unless you use Internet dating services only, no one will come to you. Follow these tips to increase your confidence levels whether you are a single man or woman:
  • Make a list addressing all the things you are not comfortable with about yourself. Be brutally honest.
  • First of all establish whether you are truly ready to meet someone new. If so then proceed. If not, withdraw and take your time.
  • Start by addressing the way you look and the way you dress.
  • Establish which things you think people may not like about you and make a list. Get a second opinion too.
  • By changing the most basic aspects of your looks, lifestyle and regime you will instantly feel more confident. You will have a new you.
  • Ensure you are comfortable with any changes you make.
  • Start to change the routines that drag you down. If you associate with people who criticize you, lose them fast.
  • Your confidence will grow as you feel better about yourself and others will sense it.
  • Make sure you are in shape or attempting to be. If you are dieting or exercising remember to be patient as these changes, though dramatic, will take a little while.
  • Learn to enjoy the smaller things in life and give yourself time especially for these things. If you like to cook for friends then start having dinner parties. Don't wait for others.
  • By looking and feeling good about yourself and widening your horizons your life has already changed for the better and your confidence levels are on the up.
  • Now start to be selective about what kind of person you really like. But by the same token talk to everyone. The more people who are interested the higher your confidence levels.
  • Start dating. If someone has asked you out, accept.
  • Set yourself some life goals as well as romantic goals. Other people love to associated with driven and goal-orientated people. Confidence breeds confidence.
  • Learn to like and love yourself for who you are and what you want from your life. Do not allow negative family comments to influence you in any way.
  • Make conversation with the nice people you meet along the way.
  • Become sociable and look good at every opportunity. Be your own best advert.
  • Remember that your confidence levels will become sky high by people saying yes to you. This will happen when you select the right kind of dates for you so keep a realistic approach to dating.
  • Walk away from anything you don't like and instill a positive mental attitude in everything you do.